How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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