Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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