bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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