I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
