I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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