Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
