Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
