The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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