Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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