I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
