it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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