so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
