i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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