just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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