I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
