I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
