Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
