WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.