and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.