this beer tastes like vomit already
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??