she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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