I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
