I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
