I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
