Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
