So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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