sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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