Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So many bounce houses so little time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
