She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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