So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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