Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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