Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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