I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize