i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
