Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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