My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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