We got so high we made milksteak
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
