I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
