if i can run in heels then i can drive
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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