Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
