so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
