Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just found a bag of teeth...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
