the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
