So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
