that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
