pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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