she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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