idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
