addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
