My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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