Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
