The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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