Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
