Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
