The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
