i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
