I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
