seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
