How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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