I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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