Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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