just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
