You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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